You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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