somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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