i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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