So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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