my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
