I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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