i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
