we're blogging at a bar
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
