Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
