Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
