and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
that's an acceptable place to lick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
