Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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