It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
