Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
