I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
