I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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