if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's blow job season.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
