You're my little dorito
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize
