That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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