the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
