Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
