Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
