so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
