cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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