hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
