High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
