3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
