DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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