Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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