Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
