she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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