Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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