I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize