I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
