I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
