Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
