why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
