in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
