Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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