please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
