I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
