Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
