i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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