Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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