So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
