I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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