I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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