"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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