I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
