if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
