...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im part way to drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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