i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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