You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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