eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize