i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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