Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
