omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
