Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
