The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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