well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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