saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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