Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
