you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
