I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
