ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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