I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
