frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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