I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
