I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
