remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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