I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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