I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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