I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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