Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
