I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
