I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize